What's the reason I was kept alive?

i feel that way too . i could tell you something like what everyone says--go to a therapist, remember you have a lot to live for! blah blah but i know that doesn't work. i also get the feeling no one except my boyfriend would miss me if i died. but you just have to find one thing i guess, one thing to keep you alive. Also you have to change your expectations about shallow people around you. They don't usually care about anyone but themselves, so they're usually too busy or superficial to notice a quiet person. and because they dont have the patience or ability to listen, you can't expect much from them. one day you'll find someone who does. for now, change your expectaions about the common people out there. you can't expect much from them.